


Take Them By Surprise

by AnotherLoser



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Dark, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, dark!Barry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7498323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherLoser/pseuds/AnotherLoser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry disappeared after Jay killed his father.  Where he went no one knows-- until he shows up on the steps to S.T.A.R. Labs, beaten and bloody almost a year later.</p><p>Something snapped a while ago.  Maybe that night, maybe during the early months spent with Jay on Earth-6, but things are very different in the scarlet speedster's head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. As I Look Back Upon My Life...

The suit is darker than it used to be, not because of lack of care but because Barry doesn't know how to get the stains out any better than Jay does- which is to say, he has no idea. The material is stained with soot, mostly. It's fitting though, the darker color. It doesn't look dirty unless inspecting within arms-reach, which really just leaves it looking nice like this was intended. Barry likes it because of the smell of smoke it carries and because he knows it's worn and that makes him feel like he's working. He's putting effort into things. It's a good feeling, doing your job correctly. Having a goal and really working for it.

He's sure that Cisco will want to clean it when Barry is found. It shouldn't take too long, he thinks as he lay motionless on the steps to S.T.A.R. Labs.  
He isn't sure what time it is, but when he peeks his eyes open all he can guess is very early morning. If Caitlin and Cisco are still coming to the labs at all then he can expect to wait up to a few hours. Or less. Harry was still there, after all, with Jesse. Maybe one of them would go out for lunch. He's hopeful.

He's undoubtedly fractured a few bones at least, maybe bruised some organs. He hopes nothing heals improperly in the wait.

Barry winds up drifting into unconsciousness by the time Cisco gets there, and he does get there first. He's yelling and cradling Barry's face in his hands. His voice is dripping in desperation and panic as he pleads for his friend to wake up.  
Barry's eyes flutter open. He glances around aimlessly as a familiar aching returns to him.  
"Barry! Oh god--Barry, you can hear me? Please tell me you can hear me--" He's loud. Barry blinks, nods just a little and tries to hum a response that comes out more like a grunt. "Ok, ok, good, can you move?"  
Another nod and Barry starts to shift to sit up. Another groan escapes him at the movement. Cisco's hands are on him, careful but not exactly gentle either in his attempt to help his friend up by the arms. Barry doesn't protest despite how his shoulder screams. Not quite healed. Or perhaps healed incorrectly. He still isn't sure of the time. He's wobbly on his feet, does his best to keep his weight on one foot.

Soon enough he'd sitting on a medical bed, leaning back against the wall. He can see the questions on Cisco's face, gears turning in his head trying to figure out what happened without asking Barry to relive it yet. Cisco tells him that Caitlin is on her way. His answering nod lets them fall into silence. It wont last long. Barry assumes that Harry is still staying there, because there's no reason why he shouldn't be unless they all honestly thought that Zoom was gone for good because one year has been mostly peaceful. But of course, Barry disappeared the same time, so surely they were all still waiting for a change. Waiting for his dead body to be thrown back, maybe. He finds it hard to believe that Harry would just leave and not be preparing for the upcoming fight that his paranoid self would be expecting. It was possible though, he supposed, that they were trying to move on.

Barry's tired. He hasn't eaten in over twenty-four hours, and healing will take quite a bit of his energy anyway. Maybe that's why he was still so badly aching, or maybe his internal clock was wrong about the time and it hadn't taken long for Cisco to find him.  
It was all up in the air at the moment. He should ask, make things easier, but there were other questions that should sit above the time. Although, Barry did have some leeway in that aspect. They have no way of knowing what happened to him in the time he's been gone. They have to take his word, make their own assumptions based on his behavior. There was a lot of leeway in suspicious behavior. It was reassuring before he even got here, that they might look at him different but wouldn't ask for too much. He doesn't want to say all that he'll have to.

He was right about Wells. The man enters the room with coffee in hand, probably expecting something normal like Cisco sitting at a desk doing...Whatever it is that he does with the meta humans all locked up and Barry gone. Making new weapons, perhaps? Regardless of what he thought would be there, he finds Barry's battered body and Cisco's worried face.  
"Barry." Is all he says at first, staring, unsure what to make of it. And then he nearly drops his coffee mug as he tries to set it on a desk in passing, marching over to the injured man's side. "Barry, what happened?" His tone is harsh, stern. He's most likely expecting Zoom to have followed Barry back.  
Barry shakes his head a little, tries to force a smile that he's sure looks more like a wince. "He's not here. It's ok. He didn't come with me." They might not recognize his voice this way, so rough and weak. Barry himself however has heard it more so now. He doesn't think much of his current injuries, of the aching, because he's had worse. So much worse. It doesn't mean much. "It's ok."

Harry seems confused, just as he should be. Just as Cisco has been since the second he spotted his friend out front. "What did he do?" Still with that stern tone.  
Honestly, Barry laughs. It hurts and could start a coughing fit quickly, but he can't help it. It adds another look to their faces; a slightly different worry. The laughter doesn't last long though, and as it tapers off he coughs a few times as expected. It all hurts, but not nearly as bad as it could. Caitlin will be there any second, he's sure, but he doesn't feel like waiting any longer. Barry pulls his knee to his chest and reaches to feel his own injured ankle. It was already healing, most likely just a sprain. Jay went easy on him this time..  
He gropes at his shoulder next despite Cisco's loud protest of "Woah woah woah, Barry hey, don't--" Barry's wince cuts him off. A fracture. Not broken though, meaning he isn't worried about it healing wrong. The muscle feels sore, but the bruising he's surely received is going to heal faster than anything else. Ignoring any further protests, Barry uses his good arm to open the stop of the suit. "IV. Ice. I'm good."

"Right, yeah." Cisco is quick to work, thankfully. Harrison just watches as Barry wiggles his arm out of the sleeve and Cisco hurries back with the IV. There's something in his posture and expression, something he's feeling but not _showing_. Harrison doesn't reveal his emotions - aside from irritation - often. It seems that hasn't changed. Barry hadn't expected different. He does however wish he knew how the read the man.  
"Barry!" His head snaps up at the sound.  
Cisco's brow furrows slightly at the surprise in her voice. "I _told_ you he was here." He has the needle of the IV in his hand. Barry is silently thankful she got there when she did, unsure if Cisco even knows how to insert the thing properly. Caitlin only shakes her head as she approaches to take over.

He doesn't wince like he used to when it pieces his skin. "Barry, _what_ happened?" She takes only a moment to look him in the eyes before helping his other arm out of it's sleeve.  
"Careful- careful, there's a fracture in my shoulder."  
She pauses, but heeds his warning. "How do you know?"  
"Had 'em enough by now," he chuckles. "I'd like to think I know what it feels like."

He glances in harrison's direction. He's weary of Barry, he thinks. Laughing when asked about the treatment he's endured, Barry would be weary of anyone doing that too.  
Arm free, he holds still for inspection. Everything else was all bruising, possibly internal but still just bruising that they couldn't do anything about. The IV would help the healing process along, but that was it. Cisco brings an ice pack that Barry holds to his shoulder. Concerned and confused looks are shared between the three around him. He understands. As soon as Caitlin seems to be done with him he swigs his legs up onto the bed so he can lay back. It hurts, but he's rather good with pain.

Now that he's still and his condition is a matter of waiting, the questions could start at any second. If he's lucky they'll let him sleep first, but it was hard to tell really. It was all justifiable; their concerns, curiosity. He understands, he just wished that he didn't.

"Barry..." Caitlin starts carefully, stood at his bedside and reaching for his hand. He almost forgot how gentle she was. "How did you get back?"  
A brief glance away lets him catch sight of Cisco with his arms around himself and brows furrowed. Barry shakes his head a little, eyes drifting down to the bedspread he lay on. "He um...He took me to another Earth, obviously." He swallows thickly, shaking his head a little. "It's a _long_ story. In the end though, Earth one and two aren't the only ones where Cisco has powers. He helped me."  
"Why? How was he involved?" Harrison. Ever the clever man, asking all the right questions.  
"Like I said," Barry replies with a slight smile. "long story. He was...Jay...." He shakes his head again. "Jay did things to him too, he was- he was sick but he was still..." A sigh. "Still Cisco. Still wanted to help me."

He can feel the tears starting to sting behind his eyes though that's as much as they will develop. He wished it wasn't true, but Cisco Ramon of Earth-6 was not right in the head. Barry doesn't know if it was all Jay's doing. He doesn't know what Cisco-6's life was like before Jay arrived, but he spoke much more fondly of his family than his Cisco did. His background had to be different. Exactly how much was in the air. Barry didn't know much about the world itself. In present day it was relatively normal, not styled out of the 40s like Earth-2 but the layout of most cities was different from them both. Other than that Barry wasn't sure. He wasn't doing research on world events to see if those changed, and he didn't ask for details about Cisco-6's life. Not when the man was so shaken all the time.

He looks back to his Cisco with a sniffle. "But you're ok, right? You guys are ok now. He hasn't come back?" Cautious glances were traded once again.  
"He hasn't...How do you know that? When he had me I had no idea where he went when he left." Caitlin explains. They had different experiences with Jay. Completely different, and he doesn't want to belittle her pain but facts were facts.  
"He promised. And I _definitely_ kept him busy." Barry replies with another crooked smile. They're all worried. More so the more he says about his time away. It might help to explain _everything_ rather than hint at things. Maybe not. He'll find out later, probably. He will appease their curiosities with select stories and scars to back them up.

Jesse crosses the room to him with slight caution. She would be interesting to talk to. She wasn't beaten either, but her experience was closer to his than Caitlin's was. A sort of happy medium, he thinks. Jesse looks at him in disbelief before she reaches out. She's warm when he hugs her. It's easy to melt into. When they've pulled apart he smiles wide and wobbly.

[...]

Dressed in sweatpants kept in a storage closet for when he or anyone he's carrying lose an item of clothing to the sparks of a run, Barry looks at himself in the mirror of the bathroom primarily used by Harry since he got to this Earth. He looks over the scattered marks on his skin almost fondly. They, like the ash covered suit, are proof of life. Proof of what he can handle.  
He's sure that by the time Caitlin had finished her tests and cleared him to go shower, everyone in the room noticed. They were easier to see without the bruises. What Barry has found about his healing is that scarred skin is still healed skin. His injuries on the job as the Flash were bruises or scrapes or internal, no way to know that he could retain anything like this. At least he got to skip the part where they were red and either stiff or tender. If he got stitches then it was unlikely he'd have much of a mark at all.

There's a tapping in the door that draws his attention. "Yeah?" The door creeps open and Harry stands in the doorway.  
A long moment passes, each man simply watching the other. "I didn't know you could scar."  
"Neither did I." Barry says with a small shrug. He brings the towel in his hands up to dry his hair. "What's up?"  
"You need to eat soon."  
"Okay."

He has a feeling that Harry doesn't know what to do with him anymore. Not that he ever really did. Even if they all have bonded with him, the man was very focussed and Barry's emotions were not ever going to be on his priority list. Besides, the speedster was energetic a good portion of the time and youthful in a way that probably made Harry glad he only had one child, as Barry himself was like a difficult second. That's sort of how Barry was for everyone his senior. At least it made many at the precinct rather attached to him..In the 'I can treat my sibling like crap but no one else can' sort of way.

"If this is your way of asking if I'm alright, I am. And you still need to work on your social skills."  
An amused scoff. "Sorry I don't know the protocol for talking to a young man who's been missing for almost a year."  
"Touche. Well," He hangs up the towel on the shower rod. "I could use an update on the meta situation. I didn't get these being a lap dog, it'd better have kept the city safe."  
"So that's what you mean by keeping him busy? Fighting? Or letting him torture you?"  
Barry pauses. "Update?"

"...They're all still safe in the prison. Upgrades have been made to customize cells where needed. No breakouts so far."  
He smiles a little wider and nods, a moment later reaching for the sweatshirt on the small counter.  
"Are you okay? Really?" A valid question. Barry may be better at lying but he can't hide his natural differences. Things have changed. He has changed. Barry isn't even aware of how many differences. He can note the bigger things, but the little behaviors were something he isn't sure about. Perhaps Harry would shed some light.

"I don't know."

[...]

Jesse ordered an obscene amount of takeout when Harry went to check on Barry not much earlier, but the quantity meant there was quite the wait for it to be prepared. She now sits on the edge of a desk. Barry is across from her in one of the cushier desk chairs. They almost manage silent conversation, but they don't know each other well enough. He was fond of her, and had an easier time reading her expression than Harry's but the difficulty must be genetic. She's also a genius. Much like her paranoid father, who is talking to Caitlin on the other side of the room.

She poked and prodded and ran tests before he got to shower. Barry wonders still if the results said anything out of the ordinary. Wouldn't that be something..  
"Hey Barry?" Cisco asks, saving him from the silence that probably didn't last as long as he felt it did. "Why is the suit covered in ash and blood?"  
They're all staring at him. Barry glances at his sock-covered toes. "Sometimes he uh, he'd let me go after setting up a fire or a falling building. I think it _amused_ him to watch me try to save people. It was usually too late anyway but I couldn't.. I didn't want to lose myself."

There's a pause of silence. They all share similarly surprised expressions, emotional, feeling for their friend. Avoiding eye contact and with his hands fidgeting, the small smile that tried to pull at his lips when he spoke is disregarded as if it were a nervous or awkward sort of chuckle.  
"And the.."  
"The holes?" Barry fills in, earning a nod. He shifts in his seat to fit his legs on the chair when drawing his knees up. "We fought a lot. Among other things." He says as he pushes at the nearest desk to spin his chair around slowly. A childish gesture but it plays to his advantage.

It hasn't stopped; the concern. It's starting to annoy him. He wonders what they're all thinking- about him, about the scars, about what their imaginations say happened to him. Cisco might start checking the suit for matching rips that he won't find. Some of them, the accidents from getting knocked down onto a steel rod in the rubble of a building, for example; there are holes in the suit just as there were in his skin. The rest Barry got to wear something else, or nothing on his torso at all. That was as close to proof of events as it got. His lies worked with the evidence, and it was obvious that his bare skin was attacked, but the rest? He wished them good luck in finding out before he wanted them to.


	2. I was once a gentleman...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less subtle than the last chapter. I'm not sure if I like that or not. Feedback is always welcome

With as much freedom as he has in regards to food here, Barry may never stop eating. On Earth-6 he relied on Jay most of the time. Not because he had no choice but because it was easier and it was fun to boss him around. Barry doesn't have a lot of control in his living situations, but it's enough of an improvement from the beginning that he was satisfied with it.  
He can do whatever he wants on Earth-1 as long as he doesn't divert from the plan though.

It's only been one day since he came back here. The first round of food sated him for a while, so much so that he just about crashed afterwards, but by morning his stomach was growling loud again. Jesse offered her bed when he denied going home to Joe's. They hadn't even called him yet, showing up in the doorstep wasn't going to work out too well for Barry. He opted to sleep on the hospital bed instead. Ever the nice soul.

He hadn't realized that the plan would put a kink in his neck. As he sat up in the morning, Barry decided it would be better to tell Joe as soon as possible so he could get his old bed back. A few more sad reunions, probably sitting down to explain some things, it was going to happen with or without Barry's pseudo father but at least this way there won't be much repeating.

He gets a look around the lab by himself before anyone else even entered. There's a sense of nostalgia that even he can't ignore. Everything looked the same as he remembered. Every last bit.. Except for the mannequin in the cortex. There's no suit. Barry wonders if this is because they didn't bother to put one of the extras back up after he disappeared or if that was their way of trying to move on, like a grieving parent changing their child's bedroom into a weight room so they don't have to be reminded of what used to be there. Speaking of, what did happen to his old stuff?

Caitlin comes in then. She seems surprised to find him in the cortex rather than in bed, but quickly pulls a soft smile. "Did you sleep alright?"  
"Yeah. Gotta say, hospital beds are a lot more comfortable after you've been on the floor for a year." He said it lightly, almost like a joke. She only pulls a tight smile in response. It wasn't even true. After Barry had become cooperative enough, he was moved from the cage he was in and into a safe house. "How about you?"

It’s actually funny how trusting these people are. Not that it was unexpected, it just wasn’t what he was used to anymore. He had Jay, but if Jay stabbed him in the back it might not be much of a surprise. Their relationship wasn’t exactly conventional, but it was how they liked it.  
It took a little while for Barry to give in, but not as long as it would have before his last night on Earth-1. Without that he probably would have been in that cage forever, blindly trusting that someone would save him, that the good he’s done would come back around and all would be well.

A little while locked up, being screwed with and fighting through the bars. Eventually yelling turned to bickering, bickering turned to conversation, and more and more what Jay said made sense. It probably wasn't as long as it felt. A month? Maybe a few more weeks? He was already sick of taking the high road. The thing he was holding out on was trusting Jay, the man who killed his father and tried to take over Central City.  
He got over it.

Not long after the fairly awkward talk with Caitlin, Cisco arrives with breakfast for everyone. As much as he does enjoy the dynamic with Jay, Barry still misses the freedom to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants.  
"How often did he feed you?" Cisco asks only once he's finished his first breakfast burrito.  
"Two meals a day. Not as much as I'm getting here, that's for sure." He shrugs. "Can we get ice cream later? He never gives me any." More stretched truth. Nowadays he got just enough food to be at his best. He also does get ice cream, but never the flavor he asks for. Skipping or messing up dessert was Jay's way of being passive aggressive. His only way of being _passive_ aggressive, actually.

"Yeah, definitely." Cisco is better at this than Caitlin. About time her professionalism didn't help the situation, Barry thinks somewhat curiously. Cisco on the other hand seemed more glad that Barry was back than worried about the situation. It wouldn't last. Probably not even the day. Cisco wasn't some dumb child with fantasies comforting him. In a lot of ways he had a better grasp on the reality of circumstances than most people. Jokes and smiles probably made him feel better though.  
Barry smiles wide for him.

Caitlin calls Joe after breakfast. She tells him to bring strawberry ice cream and that it's good news. Her tone isn't incredibly reassuring, but he can call a family emergency to come to the labs instead of going to work. How sweet. Barry turns slowly in a desk chair on wheels while he listens to her half of the conversation.  
"So.." Cisco starts, drawing Barry's attention his way. "We're gonna have to go over some stuff when Joe gets here." Barry nods. "Are you gonna be ok with that? Like, actually ok? Cause yesterday you um.. You showed up with the crap beat out of you and you laughed about it." A good point, he supposed.  
"I'll be good, Cisco. I just like freaking Jay out, me sounding freaky is the only thing that gets to him." He explains with a smile. "You can't really tell but his fingers twitch, or he tightens a fist. Little stuff like that."

"Why would you want to freak him out while he's got you locked up?" He seems a little hesitant to ask. Just a bit though. Cisco _was_ pretty good at this.  
Barry shrugs. "Cause, even when he hurt me I was just a toy. I may as well get some fun out of it too." He might have been too blunt for Cisco. He looks to be queasy. Barry tilts his head curiously. "I can talk about it. I'm not...I'm not exactly comfortable telling you guys what um..What happened to me. But I can do it."

And when Joe gets there, he will. They hug longer than he'd like, the man continued to look him over as if there should be injuries that Caitlin didn't take care of already, and before either of those there was that shocked staring once again. At least when he was hurt no one stood there like that, they wanted to help. Joe just looks at him with tears welling in his eyes at the sight of his returned child. Barry plays along, holds him just as tight, bites the inside of his cheek until it bleeds to guarantee that he'll be a little teary eye'd. It almost doesn't work, but he's learned to lie well enough that it does. He's used to far worse pain, but the body reacts how it wants to sometimes. Biting his tongue or taking a hit to the nose have the same effect of shiny eyes no matter what.

"I can't believe it..." Joe says again, and Barry only nods, smiling a weak smile. "What..What happened, Barry?" His shoulders tense at the question.  
"I think we all could use a conversation about it." Harrison chimes in, stood just at the entrance to the cortex. Barry looks to him and nods again, swallowing thickly.

"Not right now." Joe to the rescue, perhaps. "How long have you been back? Are you ok? _Really_ ok?"  
Interesting, that question again. Barry wonders what they're expecting him to say after a year gone. At least in Joe's defense he didn't know that Barry arrived beaten and scarred. It should be fairly obvious to the others that he wasn't going to be the same. "I got back yesterday."  
"Yesterday? I-"  
"He wasn't exactly in good condition when he arrived, Joe."

Joe looks between Harrison and Barry, waiting for an explanation as his relief is pushed aside by concern.  
"I'm fine." Barry tries.  
"That's not what you told me yesterday, you said you didn't know." He liked sticking his nose into things, didn't he? Barry has to wonder why.

"Why wouldn't you be sure? Barry, what happened?" Joe asks again. With an exasperated sigh, Barry lifts his shirt.  
Joe looks horrified. Barry would too if in his shoes.

He lets the fabric drop back down. "I'm ok, Joe. It's fine."  
Harry crosses his arms, but doesn't protest. Barry has a feeling he'll have to talk to him separately later.

For now though, they file in, everyone finds a seat, and Barry gets his ice cream. Both Caitlin and Harry seem to know something he doesn't, he realizes as he flicks his gaze about he room. They're not sitting near each other but they look at him differently. Cisco doesn't know about whatever it is either, he wouldn't be good at hiding it. Jesse...Unknown.

Barry sits criss-cross on the floor with a pint of strawberry ice cream and a scoop rather than a spoon.  
He isn't blind, he knows it'll be time to talk about it all soon enough, but he has the rest of the day at least before Jay comes for him. Sometime the next day or the one after that is what he was told. Barry didn't need to go reestablishing himself on this Earth. Faking PTSD would be far too exhausting.

He sets the tub of ice cream on the floor and lays on his side. He continues to eat it all the same. Regardless of what he does or doesn't need the people in the room to think, Jay still never gets him strawberry and he can do whatever the hell he wants here. Whatever his old friends were talking about stopped when he moved though. He hadn't been listening.

"You ok there?" Cisco asks slowly, but not overly cautious. He's treating Barry as normal as possible. He might just miss Cisco the most.  
"Yeah." He answers with a small nod.  
"Okay.."  
"You can ask." Barry scrapes a bite or two's worth onto the scoop. "You all want to."

"Barry.." Joe starts, reaching to pat his shoulder. Understandably, he didn't want to sit far from Barry. Probably didn't want to let go of him at all after their hug, but he moved before that could be established. When Barry sat on the floor, Joe sat in the nearest chair just behind him.  
He tenses at the touch. "What do you want to know?"

"Did he torture you?" Caitlin, the professional. She'll have to let down that mask sometime, it's already cracking.  
"Yes." A pause to lick up ice cream. "Used the claws on his suit mostly."  
"...Were you starved?"  
"No. He fed me less at first, but he liked fighting. I can't fight if I move like a zombie." He trains his eyes to the leg of the desk across from him.

Cisco runs a hand through his hair, what seems to be a sign of stress with him.  
"You told us you had a deal with him? That he can't come for us?"  
He pauses. "Yeah.. He wanted me to cooperate. He said that if I did, he wouldn't hurt you. And it's-- I mean he- he keeps his word. He was a liar here but he's never broken a promise to me."

He wasn't stupid, he knows that Jay could lie to him again whenever he felt like it, but... He hasn't yet. Since taking Barry, there has been no need to hide. He keeps his promises and he doesn't lie. He might be clever with his wording to allow for loopholes, but he didn't lie.  
Barry didn't mind that. As interesting as it is to get away with tricking someone, he isn't a fan of doing it regularly. If it's necessary though, there is something of a thrill that comes with getting away with it.

"Barry..." He hears Jesse whisper. Poor girl. She'll probably deny that she went through anything bad now, claiming it pales in comparison to Barry's experience. Now that he thinks about it, Caitlin would probably do the same too. It's not his intention, but he can't stop them. Technically speaking they'd be correct. Held hostage, no matter where or how helpless they were, he didn't do anything to them physically. Didn't take them to other worlds. Didn't mess with their heads to the same extent- and he does know that Jay screwed with his mind. He went along willingly once he had decided to do as such, but he isn't so blind as to think that Jay hasn't played games and tricks and pushed to see where every button or breaking point is. He still does it, but less now. Barry isn't sure if he got bored or if he wants to let things like that happen naturally now. It doesn't matter either way, he'll go along with it.

Cisco looks queazy again. Joe is probably doing no better. Harrison has that stiff posture that says there's no moving him. Caitlin might be shrinking in on herself. This is the kind of thing that he might - definitely used to - note about victims; their varying reactions. Some may be similar but none the same, just like the individuals themselves. It's not that he likes testing people that way, he just can't help but see it.

"He's not as bad as he used to be. He got better the longer I was there. Still cuts off my toes sometimes though..Blows stuff up for me to run around trying to help even though he doesn't give me a fair chance... Stitches me up though, lately. So that's...Progress. One time I fell on one of those rods they have in the frames of buildings, went straight through my thigh. Might've..Might've been able to get free on my own if I could get any leverage but since I couldn't I just laid there a-and waited and I don't know what I was waiting _for_ but he came for me and carried me back and patched me up." Most of it was true. That story was the first time Jay let Barry out. He doesn't _like_ losing digits, it is a punishment when he steps out of line, but considering he knows what will happen and tries to press Jay's buttons anyway, he knows that a normal person would be far more disgusted or shaken with the prospect.

"He doesn't do that stuff to Cisco though. Not all of it, anyway, because I can always heal as long as I'm not dead but he can't so he doesn't get it as bad. Beat sometimes, and he's got these scars on the back of his neck.. Those claws, definitely. I've seen him shirtless though. Not a lot of marks. I think Jay just wants him scared and obedient." Barry feels for Cisco, he does. He missed him, actually. Even if it's not the Cisco that he _knows_ , the guy is still his friend and still a good person. Barry looks forward to seeing him again.

For now he'll enjoy the one that doesn't have such obviously bad anxiety, and hasn't been mentally scarred by watching some of the things Jay has done to Barry.

Barry props himself up on his elbow and licks the trail of melting ice cream off the scoop and then his hand. He likes playing with his food to get under Jay's skin, who says it's gross but continues to stare every time. "That was weird, wasn't it?" he asks, looking over his hand for any trails he missed and licking his lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda short but it's got the creativity for this plot flowing again

"Where's Iris?" Barry asks with a curious tilt of his head. He knows her well enough to know that if she knew he was back then no one could have kept her away. Iris was stubborn like that.  
"She's out of town for work. I didn't think this was the kind of news to give over the phone." Joe explains apologetically.  
Barry only nods and spins around in his chair again. He wondered what Iris would think of him now.. Now that he seemed to need her help again. Now that he's been gone for so long. She supposedly loved him the last time he saw her. He might have loved her too, but if he's honest it now seemed more like he was clinging to the idea of her after shit hit the fan too many times. Iris was the concept of a stable relationship, a stable life for him to look to in chaos. And maybe that wasn't true, maybe it was, either way he was beyond such ideals and affections he once had.

Barry wonders if he'll even see her before he leaves. "When is she coming back?"  
"Tomorrow." Joe seems to be under the impression Barry is disappointed that she isn't here already. Barry will let him think that. He lets them think a lot of things, no lies necessary for it to happen.

They think he's traumatized, scared, terrified. It's perfect, and he didn't even have to encourage it. They bring him his favorite food and tiptoe around him in conversation. It's the easiest thing he's ever done.

[...]

Another night spent at STAR Labs, pretending to be nervous about returning home. He snoops that night, strolling down the halls, looking around like he's never been there before. He glances in every room to make sure they're all still designated how he remembers, every workspace he come across is where he remembers them being and that there aren't any projects that could get in the way. No one will question his curiosity, wanting to familiarize himself with the building again. No one questions anything he does. He's damaged, after all.

When Barry gets back to the cot he's chosen to sleep in, however, Harrison is waiting for him. He was right about that private talk, it seems. The older man half-sits-half-leans on a nearby desk but does not offer any greeting when he sees Barry walking around the furniture to stand in front of him.  
"I um.." Barry says as he comes to a stop. "Is everything alright?"  
"Everything's fine, I just wanted to talk to you about something." Harry says simply. He isn't being cold, not as closed off as he would be if he were irritated at all. Whatever it is, he at least isn't suspicious.

"Okay." Barry gives a small shrug.  
"Can I see your scars again?" Someone wasn't satisfied with the questioning earlier, it seems. Admittedly, it makes him a little nervous.  
He's paused without realizing it. "Yeah, sure." He covers with a small nod. Barry pulls his shirt off by the collar and waits for appraisal.

Harry steps closer then. Barry can feel his careful gaze scanning over his torso, looking for something.  
"These," He starts, reaching forward but stopping just shy of actually touching him. "they're from the claws on his suit?" Barry tilts his head just slightly.  
"Yeah.. Why?" He knows for a fact that there was no error in his story. Most of his scars were directly made by Jay's hand.  
"Similar ones are on your hips. Both of them, and partially hidden by your pants." Ah. Right.

Barry hadn't really considered how those would look- exactly as they are, unmistakable for anything else. The ones on his hips aren't as deep as others. They were made by a harsh grip, two approaching climaxes and Barry begging for more. Jay met his request and dragged the sharp points of his gloved fingers through Barry's flesh. There are similar, smaller and even shallower ones on the insides and backs of his thighs. Injury during sex was always less than any other situation. As much as Barry has grown to enjoy it, he isn't sure how well it would go over for that to change, so he doesn't mention it. It's always just enough to scar, maybe a little less or maybe a little worse, depending. Harry was seeing a completely different story though.

Barry can't correct him. He doesn't say anything at all.

"None of this is your fault, I hope you know that." Barry's silence was enough of an answer, enough to make Wells' tone gentler. His gaze darts up to look the man in the eyes, another quiet pause settling over them. It's based on lies, but Barry is still touched by the sentiment.  
"I know."

[...]

He remembered what it was like in the beginning. He remembered when it started. When his father was ripped away from him. The hatred that ran through his veins- the mocking that stirred it. The combination that made him willing to kill the time remnant immediately after.

Jay had been so pleased- _thrilled_ in fact to see how close to the edge Barry was if not already tipping over it.  
He beamed, going on about how similar they truly were already. Barry had hated it.

He hated everything about it. About the situation. About Jay. About what he had done.

And then he was given an offer; leave with him and the world would be left alone-- only for the time being. He said so from the beginning but that had been good enough. He trusted his friends. His team. When he disappeared with Jay they would prepare for the return of Zoom. They would be ready, even if they couldn't rescue Barry from whatever he was about to face. He had been so desperate to be good.

To be the hero still.

How blind he had been.

He remembered the beginning, sitting in that bared cage on Earth-6. He hadn't really expected it when he left with Jay; he agreed to go willingly, to join him. The cage made him feel like he'd been tricked.  
It made sense now though.

There was no reason to take Barry at his word, after all. To believe the _hero_ would stand aside as Jay did whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted. He wasn't that stupid, after all. And he was right to be suspicious; in the beginning all Barry could think about was how to get back home. Escape and leave Jay trapped on one world somehow. As hopeless as it was, Barry was known for being stubborn.  
But then weeks passed.  
He was fed little at first, allowed to become weak and starved. His body shrank until his intense metabolism turned him into skin and bone. Water kept him alive, as did pieces of fruit throughout the day but not even a fraction of what he required to function. Jay knew it all too well. He spoke of how he got a handle on his powers when he'd first gotten them, how nearly died before getting right the amount of food he needed.

They spoke almost every single day, at least once. It was a slow process, but Jay was nothing if not determined. He already proved just how willing to wait for what he wanted he was. It was impressive, his resolve. Barry's wasn't so strong.


End file.
